Down The Rabbit Hole
by BellatrixLestrangey
Summary: Late night crack fic: Regina uncovers that her Evil Queen counterpart is a furry. Emma suspects that Regina herself is a closet furry and Mr. Gold is pretty smug about this ordeal.
"I didn't know you were a furry." Emma eyed Regina smugly.

"Emma Swan. I am not a furry." Regina gave her hair a quick flip.

"Oh?" Emma cocked an eyebrow. "Then explain this." She held up a picture of the Evil Queen strutting around in a dress coated in raven feathers and a headpiece to match. And to Regina's absolute horror it was painfully glittery.

"I have nothing to do with that." Regina assured her sternly.

"She is a part of you." Emma shrugged.

"It's not my fault she developed her own…quirks"

Emma cut her off, "you mean kinks?"

Regina sighed. "Sure, Emma. It's not my fault she developed her own _kinks_ after I split her away from me." She paused. "Look, I'm not a furry. And if I was, my fursona wouldn't be a bird." She picked the mug that had been resting upon the table and took a small sip.

"Fursona." Emma slammed her fist on the table as if something had been decided. "For someone who isn't a furry you sure have the lingo down."

"Shut up." Regina grumbled. She stood up and pulled her featherless jacket on.

"Where are you going?" Emma asked.

"To catch a queen before she makes me look like a complete fool." Regina folded her arms over her chest. "And unless you can refrain from making furry jokes, you can't come along."

"Alright, I'll be waiting here then." Emma stretched out on the sofa.

.oOo.

"I can't believe that the furries took over the Rabbit hole." Ruby muttered to herself from the least furry infested side of the bar. "I just can't believe it."

"Well get used to it dearie, because we're not leaving." Mr. Gold shot her a crooked smile.

"This is all your fault, Killian." She spat. "You just had to nickname him crocodile."

"Hey, I call 'em as I see 'em." Hook responded before downing another glass of liquor. The pair watched Gold make his way through the crowd his crocodile tail carelessly swishing and thwunking into people. The man came to a halt next to the pool table.

His attention on his drink only wavered when the door the bar crashed open.

"Sorry I'm late." Came a slick cool voice.

"Well it's about time dearie. One would think that since you're a bird you'd get here faster."

"I had to give me wings a break." The Queen declared haughtily.

"Really, Gold?" Snapped a similar voice. The woman who had filled the Queen's place in the doorway rolled her eyes. "You're part of this furry convention too?"

"Save the criticisms for her." Gold jerked his head in the direction of the Queen.

"And who put this horrid idea into her head? If you can get me murder unicorns and use dark magic, you can convince _her_ to become a furry."

"Please, I'm here on my own accord." The Queen replied just as Mr. Gold replied, "well it didn't take much convincing dearie."

Regina felt her face grow red at the thought. What if she did in fact have a secret desire to become a furry. After all, the queen was a part of her, spurned from her darkest thoughts. What if all this time, she could never find true happiness because she was overlooking one simple desire? She pondered to herself. That would explain her love for Daniel, he too would on occasions dress up as the horses he tended to, claiming that it helped soothe them. "No. That is ridiculous," Regina murmured out loud.

"You can't repress it dearie." Mr. Gold stated nonchalantly, "heaven knows I tried." He paused. "It's who I am, it's who you are."

Regina covered her ears like a child, "I'm not a furry."

"Perhaps you're an adult baby?" Pan suggested from across the room. "In which case, I'm down to fuck."

"Father, please." Gold growled. "Shut the hell up."

"I am not an adult baby!" Regina hollered.

"So you are a furry?" Mr. Gold looked between the two Reginas.

"I already told you. I am not like you, I'm not a furry. And you're lucky, because if I was my costume would be much better than yours.

Gold looked down at his attire. "I will have you know that these scales are tipped with real gold."

"I'll have you know that you're costume is merely expensive trash." Regina drummed her fingers on the pool table. "Smells like it too." She added.

"Oh go fuck yourself." The crocodile snapped.

Impulsively, Regina cast a glance at the Queen who gave a thumbs up and winked. "Hell no." Regina sputtered. "Absolutely not."

"Oh but this is such a glorious opportunity." The Queen smirked. She edged closer to Regina, licking her lips as she approached. The Queen's hand slid down Regina's waist.

Regina felt her cheeks grow red. "Sempai no."

Her face grew even hotter, how the hell had she let that one slip out?

The Queen sighed, "that's a shame Regina- _chan_."

"Dammit." Regina hissed. _She's using honorifics_. The woman knew that, that was not a good sign. "Alright listen closely." She spoke through gritted teeth, "I brought you here. You listen to me!"

"But I'm sempai remember?" The Queen replied.

And Regina knew this was only going to go down in one way; the Queen would find out that she thought she was super kawaii.

After all she is Regina too, and obviously Regina is kawaiiest in all the land. She knew the magic mirror would agree.

Before Regina could vocalize that she did in fact think that sempai was extremely kawaii-desu and that she would not be opposed to making her, her waifu, Emma Swan appeared in the doorway.

And here she thought that she was done blushing.

Now her other waifu was here.

"Swan, get out of here. I don't need you, I'm doing fine on my own."

"I do like tsunderes." The Queen noted coyly, adjusting her makeshift beak.

"Will you shut up." Regina growled.

The Queen only chuckled.

Regina turned her attention back to Emma, "I thought I told you to leave me be, Swan."

Emma approached anyhow. "Okay I'll leave, but first admit that you are a furry."

"She's not a furry." The Queen spoke. Just when Regina thought that her counterpart was finally working with her she added, "she's a submissive weeb."

Slipping momentarily into his fairy tail self, Gold giggled gleefully, "I taught her that word." He whispered to Ruby as she made her way to the exit.

"A submissive weeb huh?" Emma smirked.

Still a bright pink, Regina looked to the floor. "I should have just told you that I was a furry."

"Hey, it's okay, I like submissive weebs." Emma replied. "It just so happened that I was looking for an uke to my seme."

"Really Emma-sama."

"Really Regina-chan."

"Hey that was my pet name." The Queen mumbled.

"Worry not dearie, because tonight I am available. You can just call me Croco, here's my number, give it a dial."

"You think you're so smooth don't you?" Hook frowned.

Ruby took one last glance back at the bar. And in that moment she knew that Granny was right about the place.

She would never return to the Rabbit Hole again.


End file.
